Musings of the Uninspired

Everybody needs a Superman. Everybody needs to be saved. We are made to be helpless most of the times, and though we can either be strong against the odds or at least pretend to be so, sometimes a helping hand is necessary to get through the rough times.

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But to be a Superman is impossible. To be a hero is never easy. To be an angel is to face the fact that the day will come when you’d fall from heaven.

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There are people who are like angels- they are blessed with kindred hearts and the purest of intentions. But these people are mostly the ones who succumb to weariness and despair in the end of their selfless struggle. Heroes are the ones who suffer, who die in the end of the battle. It is not easy being one. You’ll have to endure not only others’ burdens, you’ll have to carry them. And most of the times, carrying their load is not enough. You’ll need to endure being mistreated, misinterpreted for the intentions that was never yours. A hero’s character is always under attack. You’ll never know if even the one whom you devote your life to would be the enemy who’d expose your weakness.

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Heroes break enemies, but they also make them. The enemies not only pose threat to the people whom he loves, it also creates enemies that lurk inside his heart and soul. This is why heroes are never made to be attached. Being selfless means throwing one’s heart away for the sake of others’. But is it possible for anyone to have no heart? Is it possible for anyone not to get hurt? To ignore the emotions of affection and hate , the mixture and  clashing of which defines what defines life? Superman may look like his body is as strong as steel, but he his heart never is.

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As Superman is still part human, he’s still prone to mistakes. Humanity, unfortunately, makes obvious an inch of mistake over a whole mile of kindness. Trust is as frail as an old rotting chair- people will sit on you, never minding what purpose you’ve had been to their lives, and blame you for the bruises as you fall down with them. They’ll curse and drive poor Superman away, never forgiven for the shortcoming that was never meant to be done. And if he does have enough strength of heart to go back later on, he’d find himself forgotten, as if he never existed. His life is never cherished. His deeds, never remembered. If Superman never hurts, will he not when he learns that he’s been discarded from the world where he tries all his life to belong?

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The world never needed Supermen and heroes in the first place. Life is made to be difficult, and ordinary men are made to endure it. There is no easy way out. There is no light in the end of the tunnel- the end is just another dark tunnel that lead to one after another. Men are built to think that everything has to have it’s price. Nothing good in this world is free- everything has to be exchanged with another. They’d even want something better than what you have provided. And if you do can offer something good without wanting anything in return, the world would see you as peculiar, different, and an outcast.

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To all the heroes in the world, and those who are trying to be one, I salute you all. You are in battle not only against other’s life’s uncertainties- you are going against yours, as well. You are angels who did not have to bother going down from heaven to endure the evils on earth, but you still chose to for the sake of kindness. The world needs your kind, but there’s still hope for it to be a better place if you continue striving to make a change after being hurt by it’s cruelty. May your weary hearts last longer than it could. 

These are some things that I hope you’d find interesting about yours truly…

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1.
I graduated in highschool as class valedictorian and I owe it all to
one great teacher of mine whom I had a big crush on. Somehow, being
inspired to go to class everyday and have her impressed by aiming high
on every aspect of acads helped. We were such good friends, I miss
hours of chatting with her about lots of stuff. Last time I saw her was a year ago, in a mall. She seemed to be a lot happier than the last time we met. I’m glad she’s alright.

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2. I remember someone telling me that the most sensitive part of me is my heart, and it’s true. If you really want to make me sad, ignore me. I get to question my worth so easily whenever it is compromised. However, if you want to get me really pissed off, you can’t. Somehow, I have
this skill of easily shaking off whatever is bugging me for the moment.

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3. I’m a big fan of RPG games, but I only play them on
Playstation 2. This started with Final Fantasy VIII. I play console
games not only for the sake of the game itself, but for the story, too.
I think RPGs Japan-made are much more artistic and surreal than those
from the US. Currently, I’m juggling playtime between Final Fantasy XII
and Kingdom Hearts II. Imagine someone reading two novels of entirely
different plots at the same time!

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4. There are only three days I
always really look forward to every year: Christmas, Valentine’s Day
and my birthday.  Christmas always remind me of my Dad and how a child
stays in us even as we get older every year. The happiest day of my
life was October 13, 2001. My wifey, then my girlfriend, gave me a
surprise birthday party on a nearby resort. I shed tears of joy for the
first time and felt like the king of the world that night.

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5. This may sound so sissy, but it’s true: The first time I heard The Little Mermaid’s "Part of Your World", I cried. Hahaha!

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6.
I only say thanks whenever I pray. I rarely ask for something. I
believe that whatever happens is what God has willed it to be. We can’t
really ask for anything, since God has provided everything that we need
in this world. We may see things as good or bad for us, but really,
there is no good or bad for anyone- every person receives what God
really knows is necessary.  This is why whenever I say my prayer, it’s
always is about being grateful for what I have in life. If I do ask for
something, I don’t pray as if God has to comply to it. It’s just to
tell God that this is what I would like to have, but if it isn’t part
of His grand plan, then it’s okay. I think I began adapting this
concept of prayers after reading "Conversations with God" by Neale
Donald Walsch. Too bad I wasn’t able to finish the book because of some
reason I can’t remember. (Can anyone tell me where to get the Book 1?)

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7. Although I have a few of them, friends are who I treasure
more than anything else in the world.  Their sincerity gives color to
my life. I’d give everything that I have whenever needed. I’m the
happiest whenever they are by my side in the most cruel of times. My
sincerity towards them, though, are sometimes misinterpreted. But I
don’t mind as long as they understand who and what they are to me in
the end. Although I consider a lot of people as my friends- my
brothers, my close friends at work, my friends from highschool and
college and many others- my bestest of best friends is my beloved,
Ethel. She knows me more than anyone else in the world, and knows how
to deal with every aspect of it.

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8. I’ve had my share of crime
and illegal stuff in my early teen years. Dared by peers, I once shoplifted in one of those big malls in QC. I was also a professional
hacker during my early college years. Those were the days when unlimited dialup internet access
was made available to the public for the first time. We went searching
for unlimited access using users’ accounts using our online tools and
we make sure we don’t get caught by using them when we know they’re not
in the office or at home. Oh it felt good to be bad…
until we felt guilty one day, of course, and decided to just quit it. 

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9.
I love to travel, may it be with friends or just alone with a bag
filled with things that I need. Somehow, riding my car, a train, or a
speeding bus on it’s way to a very far place brings calmness to my
soul. The first time I did a serious meditation and soul-searching was
in Baguio- I was looking at the horizon on top of a very high place
during sunrise. It felt like God was greeting me "Good morning, son!"
that moment.

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10. I finished AB Philosophy in college, but I’m
more into IT. I should have taken BS Computer Engineering, although
this does not qualify as a big regret for me. I thought Rizal and most
Social Sciences subjects in Bulacan State University, where I realized
I have a passion to teaching. I have always looked forward to a chance
to teach again someday after my BSU days. Being a teacher is the most
rewarding profession of all- the benefits go beyond the financial,
indeed.

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11. I may have already mentioned this- I dream of living
in New York City. Although I have not been there yet, to me, NYC is the
greatest city in the world.  However, if I do get passed 60, I’d like
to spend my dying days with Ethel either in any of the following
places: New Zealand, Canada or just at home with my closest friends and
relatives.

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12. They say I’m a man of many talents, and I find
many are amazed by what I can do but most are not aware of. Actually,
those talents I learned not by necessity, but because I love to make
the world know whatever it is on my mind and in my soul. You can take a
look at my Deviantart site
and you’ll see that most of what I’ve drawn are actually things and
persons closest to me. Hear the songs I play on the piano, and all of
them are songs sang by my heart. I write about things that only cover
much about my life. I’m blessed with many means of expressing myself,
and I’m always thankful to God for these rare gifts.

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With these in mind, I greet myself… HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (…on Friday, that is.)