Musings of the Uninspired

**What used to be written here has already served it’s purpose.

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Yesterday’s one of those days I could say I have fulfilled something. It was a happy day altogether. Actually, I’ve been laughing my heart out quite a lot these days. So much for the question: When was the last time you laughed out loud?
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"The world will broaden when it feels everything has failed you." From out of nowhere, I began to scribble these words on the paper that covers Burgoo’s table during dinner, beside that humble sketch of Ariel the Little Mermaid and a crush from the day’s work-related activity. These words, though… Homer’s epiphany without the throat-singing? I guess. But if that is so, then it must have seeped through my head very slowly since after Subic.
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Indeed, my perspective has not only been swayed to the direction where it should be. Now I see many aspects in life that gives opportunity for me to shine. A new job, new and bigger responsibilities, new people, new insights, new perspectives (sorry, Ma’am Vira… I really have to use the word again hehe…)- aside from home that makes me feel complete as a father, these satisfy the many aspects of me that I have set aside for too long- a professional, a leader, the critical thinker, a teacher, a friend. Ah, I sometimes wonder why I’ve closed my eyes from them all. I guess fools can get overly-dedicated at something non-essential at some point.
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To these people, the undeniable truth of whose words I’m beginning to realize now, I won’t mind saying thanks to you guys. You know who you all are. It means a lot to me at this point. But I guess you already know that.
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There’s something about chasing/being chased by cars, tanks, bullets, women, government secret agents, hidden cameras, danger and catch phrases (SAGING LANG KAMEH!!!!) that puts EXCITEMENT into movies like the Bourne series. It’s a good story altogether, actually. However, I’m not a big fan of it. Anyway, here are some titles that I think would be most appropriate for sequels to come after Bourne Ultimatum…
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1. Bourne Free
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2. Bourne in the USA
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3. Bourne Again
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4. Bourne To Be Wild
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5. Bourne Under Fire
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6. Bourne Yesterday
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7. Bourne to Make You Happy
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and last but not the least…
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8. Bourne for You
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wehehe… Enjoy the movie!
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I’m seeing a bit of sunshine now that the clouds have begun clearing the skies. It’s good to feel like whole again after having been stripped off things that I once thought of as aspects that define me. After ideals either somehow changed to better suit new discoveries about myself, other people and the world, I believe I didn’t fail myself when I promised long ago that I will come back shiny and new. And I’m smiling again.

And as I have returned, I noticed that the world is bigger than it was. But it’s nice to see that the world where I left off, well… part of it since I’ve learned to discard those aspects that have become poison to who I am, is still there. And it amazes me sometimes to know how blind I was not to see things in much wider space, in a much bigger perspective.

I tend to focus on the details then. I was desperate to find meaning in puny things that my perspective tend to zero in to the limits of my senses. I believed that I can change the world this way, as I was deceived to believe that I have done so. Ah. Such a possibility exists. What I fool I was, I suppose.

But now I know much more of myself now than before… I accept the fact that I am not the center of the universe. I am part of it. And the universe is not all good and pure- there are aspects that are rotten, dark and evil. I have had my share of it, and I am aware now of it’s existence, for I had succumbed to it not long ago. As I emerge from it, I still look back sometimes and dwell on it for a while. But at least now, I know where I am supposed to be- away from it all.

I thank God for blessing me with good Karma after having learned these things the hard way. I have put my trust and my attention to small things that losing them felt like dying. And honestly, I was almost in the brink of self-destruction at some point. But not anymore. My good Karma- my new friends, my wife and son and friends who had always been there for me regardless of my absence, my young sister- they are my life now… and always has been.

Maybe I just got bored to how perfect my life was. Maybe I was just searching for something new- an adventure perhaps. Magic. Something that would amaze me. Something to give me a new perspective about who I am or what’s beyond my world. I’ve learned nothing in the process, but I’ve learned something more essential when I went back non-victorious and scarred- that I never really had to step off from where I’ve been to see what’s out there. I just had to open my door and windows. And they came in, smiling, accepting me and my little space here, and making it part of theirs.

Someone noticed that I’m getting bigger everyday. If I were me some months ago, I’d be bothered. Surprisingly, I said maybe because I’m much happier now. And I noticed I laugh much often now than a year ago. And I realized I got more places and people I’d choose to be now than months ago. And I noticed I’ve been playing the piano, sketching and writing poems about a whole lot more things now than weeks ago. And I noticed I’m not anymore uninspired now. The shine in my eyes has come back for I can now see much more possibilities ahead. I think less of how easily replaceable I could be now. And I don’t blame anybody, even myself. I’m not perfect. Anyway, I think more of what’s next instead.

I saw the trailer of Disney’s "Enchanted" yesterday when Luke and I watched Rattatouille in a near local theatre. Oh another animated feature? I asked. Nope… but Patrick Dempsey is there. My wife will definitely love to see it. That’s one more day to look forward to. I just love my simple life now, more than ever.